This morning is a lovely morning. Ok, rubbish in a weather sense – howling wind, and that misty rain that makes everything damp. But great because I realise how my batteries have recharged after spending time with my family (which I did last night) and meeting brilliant #standout people (which I did yesterday afternoon). My mind has been busily dissecting and analysing the afternoon’s example; thinking about why they were so memorable, particularly given we’ve only met once. Why have they stayed firmly in my mind, as great people and professionals? It’s really simple, and let me explain.
It’s often said that “first impressions last”, so you need to manage those first few minutes when you meet someone. Actually, given how judgemental many people can be, they have probably made their decision about you in the first few SECONDS – if you doubt that, then Google “The 7/11 Rule” by Michael Solomon. But to really #standout, you need to manage your next impression and your last impression as well. And that’s what the daughter/mother team I met yesterday managed to do – subconsciously and instinctively. It was obvious that their:
- first impression was of smiling positivity, as they welcomed me into their home and business (which created connection)
- next impression was their sparky interest in my work, and how it could be applied to theirs (which created energy)
- last impression was of firm commitment to moving things forward, and making things happen (which created trust)
This all meant that our planned ninety-minute meeting lasted over four hours, and I was absolutely buzzing. What advice would I give? Practice your first impression. But be mindful that it’s your next and last impressions that create the lasting impact. The author Sonya Parker once said that:
Almost everyone will make a good first impression. But only a few will make a good lasting impression.
So focus on those three elements. Be mindful of them, when you meet new people or encounter new situations. Control them when you can. Manage them from FIRST to LAST. Because people who do that are so impressive. And in a crowd of people, and a world of many things, impressive makes you so #standout.
Like everyone else, I feel like sometimes I do a brilliant job, mostly I’m pretty good, and occasionally I’m plain lousy. But it never ceases to amaze me how, when I’m in control/in the zone/in the moment, how easily I can improve my own performance. And how I can get the best out of other people. Here’s an example.
I run the member services and learning event division of Henley Business School. We are always looking for new speakers to lead our events. And this week I met a really interesting one but, if I’d judged him on the first few minutes of our conversation, we wouldn’t be working together. First impressions were OK, but I was struggling to see how he would fit with what I do. It took quite a while before we made a connection and found an event angle he’s gone away to turn into a programme. And it’s going to be #distinctive and different, and I’m excited already!
Here were my learnings from this example. They are all about “finding the fabulous”.
- Accept that it’s your job to get the best from people. You’ve failed if you don’t, and life is so much more rewarding when you do.
- Ignore your first impressions, at least sometimes. Test whether you are right, by giving people the time to show their #value.
- Suspend disbelief (meaning putting aside your doubt or skepticism) for long enough to hear out someone’s story. Because eventually you’ll find a connection. And connected people create great ideas.
Maybe I’m smugly saying I did a great job with this guy. Or maybe he worked on me, until we found that great idea. I don’t know. And I don’t care. Either way we’re on to something. And it’s so motivating when you end up finding the fabulous. You wake up smiling at 05.00, and have to blog about it. And, for me, that’s a wonderful start to the day.
I have a strange routine on my daily commute to work. It’s a proper yin and yang – listening to The Today Programme @BBCr4today in the morning, and choosing from my pretty big collection of pop music CDs for the winding and country drive home in the evening (yes, I still listen to CDs. It’s not because I’m low-tech. They sound better than MP3s!)
So I spend some time singing pop songs at the top of my voice, and then the rest reflecting on really powerful journalism and thoughtful business stories. And something on Radio 4 made me think, and then apply the principles to my day job. It’s about the rise of “soft power”.
Joseph S. Nye (diplomat, political scientist and Professor at Harvard) coined the phrase ‘soft power’ in 1990. Broadly it means promoting positive perceptions of a country’s interests and identity overseas. It’s used to describe the way a country like China is changing the way it influences the world in general. For example, helping the world see a nation’s point of view makes the media king. China is allowing more radio and TV channels (e.g. China Radio International and including those transmitting in foreign-languages) to broadcast regionally and nationally.
If some of the most dominant nations in the world are seeing that a different approach is needed, then we all need to take note. This is about a recognition that:
- the past allowed CONTROL over people and companies, but
- the future requires the INFLUENCE of society and business.
And that takes me nicely to the point about leadership and leaders. The #value of a leader used to be derived from their ability to control. In today’s much more complex world, leaders can’t even hope to control everything. So the future #value of a leader will come from something very different – their ability to influence the behaviour of others.
If anyone else is feeling a bit skeptical, thinking that this kind of influence is just an “iron fist in a velvet glove” (meaning it is still control, but disguised as influence) then you’d have a point. But I do think it’s more subtle than that. I’m not going to do justice, in one blog, to the theme of influencing others. But what I do know is that influence requires conscious or unconscious understanding of neuroscience, communication, gravitas, empathy, engagement, coaching and change – and the list goes on.
So if you want to be that #standout leader, take any opportunity you can to practice and perfect your skills in this area. Or just make everything you do become focused on influencing the behaviours of others. The rise of soft power is inevitable, and you’d better start developing yours 🙂